Crying on Santa's Lap

It’s that time of year again. Christmas Jesus, the most toyful of all the Jesus-es, is coming to town to judge your sins and hand out presents. Generally I’m not a fan of religious traditions - with one exception; the yearly traumatization of our children by placing them on the lap of a heavily bearded stranger in the middle of a shopping mall. It’s my personal opinion that these traumatic events cause children to become televangelists or drugged out rock stars. Hail, hail, rock and roll!!!











It's funnier when you get drunk before you hand your daughter over to the scary bearded man.








This may be the creepiest Santa on record.






Technique is everything when trying to slide off that scary man's lap.











Award for Best Dismount:

Glenn Beck has not denied dying

Everyone is bummed that Glenn Beck hasn't died.

Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck

Jon Stewart's perfect mock

I call this Mock squared. A Dead solid perfect impersonation.

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Don't you think that if Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter had a child it would be reverse racism to not call him baby Hitler?

Keith Olbermann's special comment on Health Care reform

If you haven't seen Keith Olbermann's special comment on health care, please take the time. I find Kieth to be one of the most elequent speakers of our time.

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Glenn Beck, Rapist? Murderer?

Glenn Beck raped and murdered a girl in 1990. I know it’s just an internet rumor, but once again the allegation has been stated, and yet again no denial from Glenn Beck. Hmmm.... At first I didn't think there was anything to it, but now I'm beginning to wonder. Some people are saying that Glenn Beck's silence on this issue is proof of his guilt. Of course, I'm not saying that, but I am wondering why these people would say that.

I’m not surprised. Reports suggest that Glenn Beck may have raped and murdered a little blonde girl - somebody's beautiful, innocent daughter - in 1990, seem plausible on it’s face. I can't even begin to imagine what that depraved bastard might have done to her. But so far Glenn Beck has been silent on the issue. When will he face these allegations? What is he scared of?

The main stream media refuse to investigate. Nancy Grace "investigates" every murder / kidnaping like it's the story of the century, yet she overlooks the fact that Glenn Beck raped and killed a little girl in the 90s? How can she call herself a journalist?

They're trying to distract us from justice. Call your Congressman and let him/her know that murdering innocent little girls is wrong. Or, just take the law into your own hands and do something yourself. I won’t judge. Maybe what we need is a tea party, a Glenn Beck girl murdering tea party to protest Beck’s silence on the issue.

I’m not so much anti-Christian as I am pro lion.

On another topic, I want to point out to all those Christians that believe in a literal bible translation, that it has been over three weeks since the cops in Bastrop, Texas, busted some guy for having sex with a horse. And still, no good Jesus loving Christian has taken it upon him/herself to kill that horse. Lets not forget what is says in Leviticus 20:15: “And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.” So now we gotta go kill that fucking horse. I drove by last week and that slutty horse was just strutting her sexuality all around an open field next to the highway.

I think we all know that horse has it cuming. God knew that once a horse gets a taste of man-sex, she can’t say neigh. So naturally these slutty horses need to be put to death. Who’s with me?!? Those slutty horses deserve it, with their long curvy legs and come hither looks. And those shanks; those loving, taunt-yet-supple shanks. They know what man meat tastes like and they long for more. No, I’m not projecting.

How can any decent Christian man be expect to not hit that? The horse must die if only to save the purity of the Christian man. I know that crucifixion may be a bit unorthodox lately, but if we could nail this horse to a cross and let her die like Jesus she might still find redemption - - - just a thought.