Karl Rove Presidential Library

The reason Bush doesn’t want Rove testifying under oath is because he’s afraid the bible will burst into flames if he touches it. Now, I’m not saying Rove is evil, but one time, a long time ago, when I saw him and no one else was around, I saw Rove strangle a baby deer with his bare hands. Okay, that never happened. But it seems like it could. I just struggle with the notion that our executive branch can be populated with sycophants that never work for the American people. We’re paying the salary for this guy. Why can’t the public know what kind of guy he is? Why can’t we get answers to simple questions?

Answering the question they want to answer

Currently, most politicians don’t answer direct questions put to them. They answer the question they want put to them. You can thank Rove for that. When Bush was running against Ann Richards, one of the striking differences in style was how Bush would hardly ever directly answer questions put to him. The local press would ask Bush about the pollution in Houston, (worst in the nation) and he’d tell you how Texas is improving education. It became pointless to have any kind of dialogue with Bush. He would only recite pre-tested propaganda.

But you can’t argue with success. Rove didn’t invent this type of rhetoric, but he surly perfected it. He was also a master of dirty tricks. Single handedly he convinced most of the redneck, racist, homophobic east Texas voters that Ann Richards was gay. All’s fair in love, war and politics, and Rove is like the flim-flam salesman that sells Springfield a monorail. So, you can’t fault him for doing his job. His job was to sell an unqualified politician to the American people. And like Springfield buying the escalator to nowhere, the American people bought the glorious turd that is President Bush.

As a society, we shouldn’t forget Rove’s contribution to Bush’s legacy. Starting now, I’m calling on all Democrats to help fund the Karl Rove Presidential Library. Bush didn’t win the election. Rove did. Bush is more of a sock puppet. It is Rove that deserves all the glory of the Bush Presidency. Admission will be twenty thousand dollars. (A donation to the Rove defense fund.) For 20k you’ll be able to hunt and kill an illegal alien on the national park it sits on. But be careful, Cheney may be already there, drunk and hunting lobbyists. You’ll also receive a gift bag full of Presidential goodies, like a Helen Thomas dart board and a Stephen Colbert voodoo doll. Inside the library will be dioramas of the administration scandals. A model of New Orleans complete with little African Americans is flushed down the drain, every hour on the hour. Sitting next to that will be the Valerie Plame exhibit. Push the button and you can hear Rove laughing at his indictment for treason by compromising an existing CIA agent. Next to that will be the weapons of mass destruction never found in Iraq. Many patrons might not like the National Security wing of the Rove Library. It involves being strip searched and having live electrodes attached to your genitalia. This kind of thing is legal under the Patriot act, not that anyone can contradict me, because our own Congress hasn’t even read it. The bathrooms will be palatial, with the toilet paper made out of old copies of the Constitution.

Have a heart. Give to the Rove Library. He needs to be remembered.