Thursday, May 24, 2012

Will White House Renovations Come From Taxpayers?


(reprinted from the Republican Family Magazine)

From his private jet, Gov. Romney announced plans to renovate the entire White House upon winning the election. “After taking office I have no plans to be living in the White House. It's a dump. Have you seen the situation room? It looks nothing like what they had on The West Wing. How can you expect me to do battle with the Russian-Bear in less than 400 square feet? I want something more like Doctor Strangelove. I want a room like that. With a big table. And a huge map.” Romney said, motioning to an aide. “Make a note of that, I want one of those giant maps that light up.”

When asked how he would pay for such a thing the former Governor said, “Well, I'm not going to use my own money to build a rental. Why spend mine when I could spend yours?”

Astonished press later asked Governor Romney to elaborate on his plans to tear down a large portion of the White House.

"I understand. Renovation could take years. But just imagine, a new 21st century White House emerging from my Presidency in say, what? 2020? What's eight years plus 2013? Yeah, that's right. 

Asked to elaborate, Romney continued:
 
"It would be a huge step-down. It would be like your reward for becoming President would be live in a tent on the lawn. Ann would divorce me on the spot if she thought we had to live in that “dust bin of history.” That's what she calls it. She says “It's got that old people smell.”

It should be noted that before this interview Gov. Romney had turned quickly toward the cockpit, slamming his head into an overhead bin, sending the newly dazed candidate falling back like a cardboard picture cut-out. Governor Romney later denied ever saying anything on the subject of White House renovations but, if he did, he stands by his previous statement.

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