Dennis Montgomery, the new king of the con men

A new master conman has arrived on the scene. As I’ve said many times before, I love a good con. Mainly because it clearly illustrates a breakdown in rational thought. Over the last year we gained a new king of the Ponzi scheme - Bernie Madoff. And now, there’s a new king of the con-men. Dennis Montgomery is as crazy as gets, living by balls alone. Who can tell the biggest lie? Dennis can. Wow, and this one’s a whopper. Remember all those fucked up terrorist alerts we had to endure? That was Dennis.



Realizing the CIA would soon file charges, Dennis has followed his dream of “balls out” living by writing 1 million dollars in bad checks to Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. He forgot the first lesson of conmen. If you do it right, even if you get caught the person you conned might not want to pursue the matter because of adverse publicity. The CIA wasn’t, and still isn’t, going to pursue Dennis. It would expose a level of incompetence unrivaled in the “intelligence” field. Everything about Dennis is still considered secret. Probably being shredded as I write this.

On another note:

It’s at times like this, Rush Limbaugh’s birthday, that I think we need to remember some precious words spoken by one of my hero’s, Bill Hicks:

"Doesn’t Rush Limbaugh remind you of one of those gay guys that lie in a tub and let other men pee on them. Am I the only one? Can’t you just see his fat body in a tub while Regan, Quale and Bush just stand around pissing on him, and his little piggly wiggly dick can’t get hard - - - “uh, I can’t get hard. Regan, pee in my mouth.” Regan: “Well, how’s that Rush?” Still can’t get hard so they call in Barbara Bush. She takes her pearls off. Puts them up his ass. Then squats over him. Undoes her girtle. Her wrinkled, flaccid labia, unfolds half way down to her knees; like some ball-less scrotum.

She squeezes out a link into his mouth. Finally his dick gets half-hard. A little clear bubble forms on the end, with a maggot inside. The maggot pops the bubble and runs off to start a pro-life group somewhere."

Fear and Loathing in Afghanistan

Afghanistan's army. Be all you can be. Until you forget what you were doing.



I picked this up over at Danger Room. Holy crap!! What the hell are we doing in Afghanistan? Why would Obama want to mount a surge?

I'm amazed at our troops trying to sell the idea that the pile of rocks they're living on is worth some nationalistic pride. Yeah!! Go Afghanistan !!!

Star Wars Christmas Special. - - - HAPPY LIFE DAY!!!

The actual name is “The Star Wars Holiday Special,” because there really is nothing Christmas-ee about this. Instead of “Christmas” they call it “Life Day.” That’s right, the war on Christmas started in 1978.

You may ask yourself, how widespread was LSD was in the late 70's?

I’m assuming that the same people who created this as a holiday show also produced “The Banana Splits” and “HR Puff-n-Stuff.” What astounds me is the casting. Bea Arthur? Art Carney? Harvey Korman? How weird can this get before it starts making sense? If you actually have an hour to kill, here’s the whole thing. The commercials are a scream.



Here’s the 5 minute version.



Happy Life Day?

“Today is a good day to die.” - - - Old Klingon proverb. I understand this now.

Family Guy Star Wars

I'm looking forward to the new Star Wars Family Guy - December 22nd. Something, something, something, dark side

Crying on Santa's Lap

It’s that time of year again. Christmas Jesus, the most toyful of all the Jesus-es, is coming to town to judge your sins and hand out presents. Generally I’m not a fan of religious traditions - with one exception; the yearly traumatization of our children by placing them on the lap of a heavily bearded stranger in the middle of a shopping mall. It’s my personal opinion that these traumatic events cause children to become televangelists or drugged out rock stars. Hail, hail, rock and roll!!!











It's funnier when you get drunk before you hand your daughter over to the scary bearded man.








This may be the creepiest Santa on record.






Technique is everything when trying to slide off that scary man's lap.











Award for Best Dismount:

Glenn Beck has not denied dying

Everyone is bummed that Glenn Beck hasn't died.

Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck

Jon Stewart's perfect mock

I call this Mock squared. A Dead solid perfect impersonation.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
The 11/3 Project
http://www.thedailyshow.com/
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

Don't you think that if Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter had a child it would be reverse racism to not call him baby Hitler?

Keith Olbermann's special comment on Health Care reform

If you haven't seen Keith Olbermann's special comment on health care, please take the time. I find Kieth to be one of the most elequent speakers of our time.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Glenn Beck, Rapist? Murderer?

Glenn Beck raped and murdered a girl in 1990. I know it’s just an internet rumor, but once again the allegation has been stated, and yet again no denial from Glenn Beck. Hmmm.... At first I didn't think there was anything to it, but now I'm beginning to wonder. Some people are saying that Glenn Beck's silence on this issue is proof of his guilt. Of course, I'm not saying that, but I am wondering why these people would say that.

I’m not surprised. Reports suggest that Glenn Beck may have raped and murdered a little blonde girl - somebody's beautiful, innocent daughter - in 1990, seem plausible on it’s face. I can't even begin to imagine what that depraved bastard might have done to her. But so far Glenn Beck has been silent on the issue. When will he face these allegations? What is he scared of?

The main stream media refuse to investigate. Nancy Grace "investigates" every murder / kidnaping like it's the story of the century, yet she overlooks the fact that Glenn Beck raped and killed a little girl in the 90s? How can she call herself a journalist?

They're trying to distract us from justice. Call your Congressman and let him/her know that murdering innocent little girls is wrong. Or, just take the law into your own hands and do something yourself. I won’t judge. Maybe what we need is a tea party, a Glenn Beck girl murdering tea party to protest Beck’s silence on the issue.

I’m not so much anti-Christian as I am pro lion.

On another topic, I want to point out to all those Christians that believe in a literal bible translation, that it has been over three weeks since the cops in Bastrop, Texas, busted some guy for having sex with a horse. And still, no good Jesus loving Christian has taken it upon him/herself to kill that horse. Lets not forget what is says in Leviticus 20:15: “And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.” So now we gotta go kill that fucking horse. I drove by last week and that slutty horse was just strutting her sexuality all around an open field next to the highway.

I think we all know that horse has it cuming. God knew that once a horse gets a taste of man-sex, she can’t say neigh. So naturally these slutty horses need to be put to death. Who’s with me?!? Those slutty horses deserve it, with their long curvy legs and come hither looks. And those shanks; those loving, taunt-yet-supple shanks. They know what man meat tastes like and they long for more. No, I’m not projecting.

How can any decent Christian man be expect to not hit that? The horse must die if only to save the purity of the Christian man. I know that crucifixion may be a bit unorthodox lately, but if we could nail this horse to a cross and let her die like Jesus she might still find redemption - - - just a thought.

Dana Gould says it best

This dumb-ass debate over health care is pinching my last nerve.

Dana Gould on Bill Maher said it best. What the Fuck?

Death Panels in a fast car to crazy town

At this time I’d like to formally throw my hat in the ring as a judge in one of these “Death Panels.” I can’t think of a better job. For every senior who demands their Medicaid and an end to government run healthcare, I would have no problem in judging them too stupid to live.

Rarely has an issue left me so very certain that most Americans are clinically insane. Death panels? Really?

Please God, save us from your followers.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Healther Skelter - Obama Death Panel Debate
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Spinal Tap Performance

Hanzo the Razor and Gomer Pyle is God

The topic today is Japanese three episode movies from 1972. HANZO THE RAZOR.

I’m not a virgin to sexual exploitation movies, but this is by far the weirdest. And now my favorite.

Written by Kazuo Koike and Takeshi Kanda, Hanzo the Razor features a scrupulously honorable lawman in 17th century feudal Japan. The story begins with Hazor refusing to sign an oath of fidelity to his position as a lawman. Hanzo won’t sign because of institutionalized bribery. The story of a lawman refusing his superiors caught my attention. Who is this character, Hanzo? And then. . . . and then . . .it gets manbearpig-weird accompanied with a blaring 1970's jazz horn soundtrack. Wow. You can never really prepare yourself as a grown man wacks furiously at his own penis with a club in a bizarre ritualized training process. No, that’ll take you by surprise every time. And in every one of the three Hanzo films our film makers take great care to bring us sexual training methods that included scaling hot water and a bag of rice with a hole. Kinky. Never seen that before.

I appreciate bizarre over-the-top. If I had to put tag on it, Hanzo the Razor is like a soft-core, Adam West style Batman of feudal Japan. The sexual exploitation features a Japanese signature when "our hero" Hanzo meets success by raping women into submission and loyalty with his giant club beaten penis. Truly, one of the dumbest male fantasies ever created. But to be fair, female porn doesn’t suffer from redemption of intellect either. And I’m convinced that the female sexual fantasy of a fairy tale prince in shining armor coming to the rescue has done far more harm that the male porn industry.

Regardless, Hanzo brings the goods when he fights bad guys and roots out corruption. But at first viewing it leaves one feeling like one of those weird low-tech roadside carnival rides where your not sure if you were entertained.

At the end of the first movie, Hanzo the Sword of Justice, the writers showed me something. The last 10 minutes features a single stand-alone story about euthanasia. Hanzo is met with the quandary of a dying man; a man who is suffering from stomach cancer. A doctor confirms the diagnosis and prognosis of only one agonizing month to live. Meanwhile, the man’s children are trying desperately to kill their own father. His young girl doesn’t care if Hanzo arrests her for patricide. She can’t endure her father’s suffering. Because youtube didn’t have a clip I made my own and posted it myself.



I have long been a firm believer in a person’s right to die. Regardless of what the hideous right wing Christians say, there’s no morality in extension of suffering. Don’t forget, anyone who tells you they know what God wants is lying or delusional.

For anyone who is facing a terminal illness I suggest doing an internet search for a free booklet called The Painless Pill. Just because you believe in Jesus it doesn’t mean that you have a right to dictate death for others.

Goyôkiba (1972)
aka "The Razor: Sword of Justice" - USA (video box title)
aka "Hanzo the Razor: Sword of Justice" - USA (DVD box title)
Goyôkiba: Kamisori Hanzô jigoku zeme (1973)
aka "Razor 2: The Snare" - USA
aka "Hanzo the Razor: The Snare" - USA (DVD box title)
Goyôkiba: Oni no Hanzô yawahada koban (1974)
aka "Razor 3: Who's Got the Gold?" - USA
aka "Hanzo the Razor: Who's Got the Gold?" - USA (DVD box title)

Also on the menu is my favorite music video of all time. It’s called GOMER PYLE IS GOD. Once again no one has stepped up to post a decent copy of this thing, so I dug through my old VHS collection and came up with this bad copy. I first saw this video in the early 80's. Wow. It still holds up. So deep are the lyrics I find myself losing my religion to follow the chosen one, Gomer Pyle.

Does living make you insane?

Once. Just once, I’d like the nightly news to lead with the real story.

"Today we’d like to report that we still have absolutely no idea what is really going on. To date all we know is a few, scant details that bring us no closer to understanding our reality. It seems that there are over 6 billion of us stuck together on this rock which is mostly covered in salt water. That rock is spinning to the tune of a thousand miles an hour as we revolve around a giant ball of fire at the rate of 365 days per cycle."

"If that wasn’t enough, that ball of fire is twirling around a billion other stars as they all spin around each other at a million miles a day. Not that we can feel this plethora of movement. To us it feels like we’re stranded on this rock because, and get this, we’re surrounded by a vacuum. It literally sucks not to be on this planet. So, even if we wanted to leave, there’s no where to go. God, if God exists, has stranded us here. And if history is any kind of barometer as to future events, I can safely say that our species will probably render this planet rancid and unlivable within the next hundred years. Yup, our species is in for a wild, weird ride on this planet."

"Even though we all seem to have a general knowledge of our circumstance most our species have opted for to create a new reality in their minds, denying the facts of our own existence to our own peril. So alien and immutable is our existence, that a driving need to attach value to our collective dream forces billions to bend reality into another picture."

"We’ve also learned from these reality deniers that God loves you unless you don’t love him back, in witch case God will, once again, burn you in everlasting fire. Sweet. "

"Circumstances of our existence have become value to God according to antiquated documents, Did you know that God cares a great deal about how we have sex, even though God seems to have programmed almost every one of us with an overwhelming desire to procreate?

Knowledge of God’s will grows strange and specific for those determined to rewrite their own reality. We all know that fucking a horse is a sin, thanks to Leviticus, but explain the morality of killing the horse. That’s right, if you check the older versions of Leviticus you’ll find that the raped horse, goat, rabbit or pig needs killin’ once they taste man-penis. (Preferably by stoning, and not the good kind.) I guess once a pig goes sapien he can never go back. Best to put them out of their misery lest they take to raping humans to get another taste of man-penis. Sure, that makes perfect sense.

So, stone the raped pig! Stone the raped pig! Stone him before he turns to man rape.


Can’t someone be honest? We don’t know what’s going on. We don’t know what God wants. We have no idea why we exist. Please, for the love of God, can’t someone stand up and say, we don’t know. Where’s the sin in that?

What? They made a sin out of not knowing?


Here's some of my favorite things about Trey and Matt. They slay me.

The customer is always right

For those of you in the service industry: Kids in the Hall

Trey Parker and Matt Stone - comedy gods

For the love of God - Please someone ask Trey Parker and Matt Stone to do the Jackson funeral South Park. Wouldn't Cartman's ego force him to crash the funeral at the Staples center? Come on guys, do it for Jesus. I can't think of anything funnier that re-creating the Jefferson/Cartman kiss - this time in his coffin.



It's good to see my buddy Jacob at Contextual Criticism is back on the job. I dearly missed your insightful commentaries.

Dear God

Dear God. . . .
A video I found on "God is for Suckers!"



My prayer: Please God, save us from your followers

Christopher Hitchens is my God now

I’m in love with Christopher Hitchens. We need more people like this. We need more people to stand up against the horrible immorality taught by Christians, Muslims, and Jews and the rest of the psycopathic religions.

The U.N. has lost its collective mind.


Christopher Hitchens




More Christopher Hitchens



Jesus of Hate - - - hates cheese

Athiest Pat Condell - My New Hero

Cool videos

The Sky is Falling! Get right with Jesus!

Sometimes, late at night, I turn into a Jehovah’s witness. For those of you that don’t know, JW’s is an apocalyptic cult. They’ve been preaching . . “The end times are a comin’". . . "Better get right with Jesus!” for over a century. And who doesn't enjoy it every time one of these cults gets it wrong? Jehovah’s witnesses have been battling a biblical accounting error since 1914. Maybe they just don’t believe enough. Is it me or does praying to Jesus for the Apocalypse turn Christianity into a schadenfreude cult?

My “end days” scenario isn’t getting much play on the cable news. What happens during the first world-wide economic collapse? My nightmare scenario: It will start and end with India vs. Pakistan.



It’s not a Cold War

A patchwork of treaties, subsidies, tariff relief, backroom deals and outright bribery has been used like New Orleans style levies to keep these two retarded step-children from killing each other; a policy of appeasement that only adds length to the fuse. For those of you that don’t know, the U.S. Cold War didn’t really work and it ain’t over. On several occasions over the past 60 years the theory of Mutually Assured Destruction fell short. (With the acronym MAD, how could it work?) Robert McNamara gave a chilling account of the Cuban missile crisis in the documentary “The Fog of War.” (A documentary that changed the way I thought about the world.) According to McNamara and Castro, the order was given. The only thing between life and death for this entire world lay in the hands of a single Soviet submarine commander. He disobeyed orders so here we are, an Indian cold war. (Quick-E-Mart not Casino.)

But it’s not really a cold war. Don’t be fooled by the media’s moniker for this dispute. It’s a religious war. After the Mumbai attack India remained certain it could prevail in a “limited” war with Pakistan. Please note that India is not debating about how this war would not go nuclear. Religion has been breeding this animus for generations now. I’m not alone in stating, any war between India and Pakistan won’t end without nukes. So, back to the economy. . .

What happens when money isn’t worth anything? No food. No bribes. No reason not to fight. We won’t learn about the war on CNN. We’ll be notified when the sky turns brown with the radioactive soot of burning cities.

Better get right with Jesus. Day of the Apocalypse: June 12, 2010. Now worship me!

My own Fake Religion

George Carlin on God and Hell: Religion is Bullshit


My buddy Jacob over at Contextual Criticism woke me up to another great blog Unreasonable Faith - If you get a chance, check them both out.

My own fake religion

For the longest time I wanted to build my own fake religion around Fabio’s face killing a goose. March 30th, 1999, Fabio Lanzoni, was stuck in the face by a goose while riding Apollo’s Chariot (a roller coaster) at Bush Gardens. Upon hearing this most unlikely chain of events I couldn’t help but wonder, and then marvel, at the odds. Think of the congruence of events that would lead to such an event. Never in the history of roller coasters had a large eatable bird committed a Kamikaze run. (The goose itself has since been stuffed and sold on eBay The Church of Fabio must have this religious icon returned to the faithful. No doubt, in the far future, taxidermy geese will litter our cathedrals.)

A True Miracle

It’s those long odds which would drive my faith. A goose, upon spying Fabio, said to itself, ‘I hate Fabio so much, I’m going to die trying to kill him.’ (Not an unreasonable thing to think.) As if by destiny, Fabio was riding in the front row of the coaster. What are the odds of that happening? What are the odds of a goose killing itself to fight everything I am not. It was a miracle.

Then, slowly, the entire story came to light. Fabio was the celebrity guest on the maiden voyage of Apollo's Chariot; geese had just begun nesting in the ponds surrounding the coaster. The only thing unusual was that they hit one of the few famous male models. If the Geese would of hit Zoolander, I couldn’t have been filled with less schadenfreude.

The truth: the event wasn’t a matter of chance. The odds of this happening was around 100%. If Bush Gardens had a larger advertising budget that goose may have hit Richards Simmons or Robin Leach. But that won’t mean anything to the faithful. Either this was a miracle or it wasn’t. Either you’re with us, or you’re against us.

Either you think, or you don’t.

The Death penalty according to Leviticus 20: Cursing your parents, committing adultery, making love to your step-mother or your daughter-in-law, homosexuality, beastiality - and here’s where it gets weirder than usual - it’s GOD’s decree that the man-raped animal be put to death; (as a warning to other animals?) Later, Islam picked up this twisted tradition by decreeing that women are animals. Do we really need to listen to people who build their morality on an ancient book? Why is this an argument for hate? The U.S.ofA. is one of the few countries left that deals in capitol punishment. What ever happened to Thou Shall Not Kill? Doesn’t the 10 Commandments trump Leviticus?

Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings. -- Victor Stenge

Rod Blagojevich, the greatest show on earth. Tonight, on Maddow

Rod Blagojevich. What? I don’t. . . What? What is he saying? I don’t get it. And this nonsense has gone on waaaay too long. This can’t be real. Innocent people don’t act like this. No one acts like this. Were the recordings of Rod’s phone calls part of a radio play broadcast out of his basement? What possible defense is there when there isn’t any defense? And then it hit me. Blago’s wig gave it away. I had seen that hair before. That hair belongs to Tony Clifton. Rod Blagojevich is Andy Kauffman.

It’s the perfect ending to Kauffman’s story. We all suspected Kauffman faked his own death back in ‘84. 25 years later, it was time for Kauffman to pounce. Sure, he had some face work done, but you can’t miss those crazy-time-at-the-Apollo eyes. Only Andy Kauffman would find joy in ridiculous prattle in the face of such damning evidence. If Andy did die then we’re going to need an exorcism. Andy is running Blago’s brain. Blago, uh . . . I mean Andy will on Maddow this evening. I’ll make popcorn.

What a guy. Hell of human being. Entertainer extraordinaire, lover, fighter, the immaculate, . . . . Tony Clifton. How does he do it?

If it turns out I’m wrong about the whole Blag-Kauffman connection, the only way this makes sense is if the cops find two kilo’s of blow in his trunk, otherwise, I just don't get it.

Built on Lies - The Church of Scientology, the Mormon Church

What is a cult? Is Scientology a cult? Hell yes it’s a cult. The time for debating such questions has long passed. Scientology may be the best example of a world-wide cult. Calling themselves a church for the tax-exempt status should be a cult beacon. Even a small amount of research yields a plethora of the bullshit they are selling. If there was ever anything you would think we could all believe in, this is it. Scientology is a cult and these cults should not receive tax exempt status. So says my Annonymous pin-up girl!

This video is a little long but it tells the true story of these poor people.

Protest at Scientology's International Headquarters 19 Jan 2009 from Doug Owens on Vimeo

For those lost lonely souls, with low self-esteem, searching for meaning in their lives, lusting for acceptance, Scientology is a dream come true. "If they can show the way to success, maybe I’m just not trying hard enough." Scientology sells answers, and like any religion, rewards devotion.

For most, it’s a waste of time.

I recently heard they abducted The Fresh Prince, Will Smith into their cult. If you’ve never noticed, low self esteem can be a driving force behind a movie star’s motivation to be famous, so its not a surprise that so many celebrities fall for this con. I honestly feel bad for Smith. He seems like a decent guy. Now, he’ll be spending huge amounts of money and decades of time to receive validation from a e-meter. That’s just sad.

If put on trial tomorrow the Scientology cult wouldn’t pass the truth test. Like every other cult they would never survive scrutiny. Life is an emotional ride when you become desperate for an answer, and you can bet the house that the con-men controlling him are fanning those desperation flames as best they can. Right now we could show Will Smith the facts of Scientology, but it wouldn’t be devotion if anyone could dissuade you with facts.

Try telling the widow and mothers of the men who gave to their last in Iraq; try telling them it was all for naught. Try and tell them their sons died for one man’s vanity. You can’t. It would be hurtful and you probably don’t want to be an ass. Truth and facts don’t always matter. Try telling a Scientologist that the last ten years of devotion has been for nothing.

So here goes Will Smith, lumbering through life with a dumb-ass look on his face (see Tom Cruise) believing in a reality that doesn’t exist. His future is lost.

Is he happier?

That’s the question I kept brooding about for a long, long time. What if this nonsense makes him happy? It strikes me very unusual for people to be walking around with big shit-eating grins on their face. It seems unhealthy to believe you are really, really happy all the time. Are they drugged? Maybe I should be drugged? Who’s to say that’s a bad thing? Is he really happy or is he working fervently to be happy? How long can you do that? SERENITY NOW!!! SERENITY NOW!!! SERENITY NOW!!! Serinity now was the answer to my quesiton, Is he happier? No, he's not.

So, I turn away from Will Smith. I know it isn’t right. It’s like listening to a couple fight in the next room. When you call the cops? Did he hit her? Why does this Scientology cult still receive tax exempt status? Did someone at the IRS get paid off?

The Mormon Cult

As far a cults go, this one has been breeding those nightmare, children-of-the-corn, people for waaay to long. Unbeknownst to most, there is a theocratic state among the fifty. I often wonder how the state of Utah would respond to missionaries trying to convert their citizens to the not-so-crazy version of Christianity. Mormons don’t have a great track record of tolerance and if you want to piss off a Mormon, just mention that you are so very sad that genetics proves the Book of Mormon to be a lie.

The Mormons teach us that it doesn’t matter how nutty your belief is, as long as oblique happiness is a byproduct. Why wouldn’t you be happy? If you can talk yourself into believing the unbelievable then you can certainly force yourself to believe this blind faith is making you happy.
The problem with cults isn’t that they distort truth from just a few, when the faith grows to several million and becomes institutionalized, truth becomes the handmaiden to mental illness. How long can you lie to yourself before you. . . .SERENITY NOW!!! SERENITY NOW!!! SERENITY NOW!!!

Let’s say you’re a young girl, growing up in Utah, under the Mormon faith. How much free-will do you receive from this religion? Not much. It’s brainwashing on a massive scale. It’s sick, it’s twisted, and God would never want women treated that way. We should be sending missionaries to Utah in hopes of liberating these women. Between God and family, I don’t imagine they have the option to take another path. Feeling trapped.

Built on Lies

Cults are built on lies and run on power and money. Mormon men have had a long history of working toward controlling women. Multiple wives is only a symptom of a much larger cultural problem. By proclaiming it "God’s will" how women behave, they have institutionalized slavery for the believers. Those that don’t believe are institutionally disavowed. For the "Church" of Scientology it’s more about money, with church members using "any means necessary" to fight enemies of the Church of Scientology. Don’t believe me? Please, please read about the Cult of Scientology in this Time Magazine Article: The Thriving Cult of Greed and Power

There’s much, much more at:

http://www.xenu.net
http://www.xenutv.com/
http://www.youfoundthecard.com/
http://www.taxexemptchildabuse.net/
http://theunfunnytruth.ytmnd.com/
http://www.exscientologykids.com/
http://www.goanonymous.org/

In March of Last year I reported on one of the coolest things I have ever seen. It’s the story of Anonymous. Who is Anonymous? We all are, but in this case it’s a group of students and young people that have taken it upon themselves to announce that the Emperor of Scientology has no cloths! What makes Anonymous so powerful is that they are organized throughout the internet, thousands of them. They are nothing more than a group of decent people that can understand hypocrisy. They understand the difference between right and wrong. They believe we all have the right to fight against the evil, that is, Scientology. And I’m in love with my Anonymous pin-up girl. Anonymous unrequited love. Never a good idea.

Olbermann's 8 Years in 8 Minutes, My Best Investment Advice and the Growing Spooner Threat.

Keith Olbermann with eight years in eight minutes:


My best Investment advice:

This is the time to invest in Obama dinner plates. Obama coins are just stupid. Word on the street: The Bradford Exchange has cornered the fake collectable dinnerware market. I like to imagine that the Bradford was wiped out along with the NYSE when a small earthquake hit. At once, thousands of collector plates fall off the wall forcing hundreds of plate millionaires into despair; three of them try to commit suicide by throwing themselves out of the windows of the Bradford Exchange. It isn’t until they land in the flower bed outside do they remember they are in a one floor building in the middle of Iowa.

Right now, in your city, is a person with a complete fifty-state spoon collection that took four years to complete. I don’t make any judgments on these type of people - let’s call them Spooners. Okay, I’m lying. I make huge judgements about Spooners. Do they live amongst us? Are they teaching my children? Gaaawd! Say it isn’t so.

During Obama’s term of office we must face the growing Spooner threat. These people, and I use the term ‘people’ loosely, could be spending time with our kids. They could be telling your grandchildren about the new Franklin Mint Presidential Thimble collection. Thimbles!!! Are you prepared to live the consequences of doing nothing? Some say that there is a strong Nurse/Spooner correlation. No one knows for sure, but these Spooners could be taking care of your father in that old age home you can’t remember the name of. It’s a terrifying thought.

Collectable plates make me want to resurrect my failing harp seal pinata business or finally invest in a tortilla press with a sketch of Jesus etched into the metal. I’ll be printing out Jesus-on-a-tortilla as fast the Franklin Mint can produce those three eagle/two flag Obama plates. My new Jesus-in-a-tortilla will be in full color, have Obama, four eagles, three fully colored flags, Mt. Rushmore and on the backside it will feature a picture of General George Patton, Abraham Lincoln and Uncle Sam as they fall off the twin towers on 9/11. Each hand crafted tortilla will be saluted by a full bird colonel before shipping in this stylish plastic bag, and clearly stamped with love: “God Bless America and Jesus Loves You.” But wait, that’s not all. Along with each Jesus-on-a-tortilla will be an Indulgence forgiving you of all your sins. Each indulgence will be signed by an aging baseball hall-of-famer and countersigned by Jesus himself. For verification purposes, each indulgence shares a bate stamped twelve digit authentication code, guaranteeing your place in heaven beside Jesus and Obama. It’s perfect for hanging on any wall or can be used as emergency toilet paper.

The Trial of George Bush

Media vultures are circling. Blood is in the water. It’s Lord of the Flies meets Revenge of the Nerds. There’s gonna’ be a hangin’. Sheeple will rise up together and become men. Banging the trial drum in protection of President Bush will be a chorus of right-wing octogenarians singing, “We ain’t fur it, we’re again’ it!” No one listens. Bush couldn’t create jobs when he was in office, but his trial should launch many careers. Monday evening Olbermann will be giving us his special comment on why this country should bring President Bush to trial on charges of torture. Didn’t Shakespear write this story?

I don’t find it difficult to believe that we’ve been watching a puppet/dupe President, designed by script, to perpetuate a fraud. A script written by war profiteers and big oil executives strictly for monetary gain. And like a bookie with a fixed game, word gets out. If the rich white criminals were worried about the law, Republicans had their back. There won’t be an investigation because there won’t be any regulations. Toward the end of the dupe-President’s term other corporations wanted their taste at the trough. The doors to the treasury were thrown wide. Logging, auto, homebuilders, all, stepped up to the banquet. The Banks were first in line. Time was growing short. Out of frustration Bush finally said, “here, take all the money” and the Mint’s printing presses began churning out hundred’s like they were putting out a fire. The only way it could of been worse was if Congress had authorized a thousand dollar note.

Now, I am forced to watched the third act of the Shakespearian tragedy, not because someone has a gun to my head, but because I dearly need the validation that the destruction of our nation and possibly the world, means something. It took eight years to produce this play and we finally caught the villain in this story of greed and hubris. It’s the kind of story that demands a reckoning. I’m ashamed to admit that I am lusting for it.

Can there be a trial of George W. Bush without CNN broadcasting live coverage? All I know is that I have no free will. I must watch the Trial-of-the-century-gate.

End the Gate!

In an effort to place a wooden stake through the heart of the suffix “gate,” I am calling on the internet community to support me in artificially adding “gate” to “the trial,” and daring the media outlets: Any use of "gate" after this will be severely vilified and cursed. “End the gate!”* *One proviso, if by chance this movement is caught up in a scandal, then we can call that “End-the-gate-gate!”

Loss of My Free Will - Gate

Dust off the guillotine and polish up that blade. If this trial was a concert I’d be first in line. If it was a shopping mall I’d be their drunken Santa. If it was a breakfast, I’d be the sterling silver ladle of justice pouring its frothy white cream over the freshly picked strawberries of crime. (The Tick.) Honestly, Bush’s trial-gate has me worried for my own health. That Roman Coliseum stone seating will be difficult to manage. I’ll need some pillows, two extra televisions complete with Tivo and some sort of colostomy bag. I expect to die from muscle atrophy before “The Trial” is finished. I don’t care if Cheney’s minions sneak in the back door and steal the silverware, I want my front row seat.

But, it all seems too perfect. Act III, Enter stage from the left-wing: A new symbol of hope walks on stage, a black man in shining armor. He’ll be the one to smite the evildoer.

But lest we forget, it was the people of this country that elected George Bush and we all share the blood on our hands for that knucklehead move. Or, at least half of us should.

CNN will be giving Trial-gate a theme song. I vote we steal the Baretta one: