Keith Olbermann with eight years in eight minutes:
My best Investment advice:
This is the time to invest in Obama dinner plates. Obama coins are just stupid. Word on the street: The Bradford Exchange has cornered the fake collectable dinnerware market. I like to imagine that the Bra
dford was wiped out along with the NYSE when a small earthquake hit. At once, thousands of collector plates fall off the wall forcing hundreds of plate millionaires into despair; three of them try to commit suicide by throwing themselves out of the windows of the Bradford Exchange. It isn’t until they land in the flower bed outside do they remember they are in a one floor building in the middle of Iowa.
Right now, in your city, is a person with a complete fifty-state spoon collection that took four years to complete. I don’t make any judgments on these type of people - let’s call them Spooners. Okay, I’m lying. I make huge judgements about Spooners. Do they live amongst us? Are they teaching my children? Gaaawd! Say it isn’t so.
During Obama’s term of office we must face the growing Spooner threat. These people, and I use the term ‘people’ loosely, could be spending time with our kids. They could be telling your grandchildren about the new
Franklin Mint Presidential Thimble collection. Thimbles!!! Are you prepared to live the consequences of doing nothing? Some say that there is a strong Nurse/Spooner correlation. No one knows for sure, but these Spooners could be taking care of your father in that old age home you can’t remember the name of. It’s a terrifying thought.
Collectable plates make me want to resurrect my failing harp seal pinata business or finally invest in a tortilla press with a sketch of Jesus etched into the metal. I’ll be printing out Jesus-on-a-tortilla as fast the Franklin Mint can produce those three eagle/two flag Obama plates. My new Jesus-in-a-tortilla will be in full color, have Obama, four eagles, three fully colored flags, Mt. Rushmore and on the backside it will feature a picture of General George Patton, Abraham Lincoln and Uncle Sam as they fall off the twin towers on 9/11. Each hand crafted tortilla will be saluted by a full bird colonel before shipping in this stylish plastic bag, and clearly stamped with love: “God Bless America and Jesus Loves You.” But wait, that’s not all. Along with each Jesus-on-a-tortilla will be an Indulgence forgiving you of all your sins. Each indulgence will be signed by an aging baseball hall-of-famer and countersigned by Jesus himself. For verification purposes, each indulgence shares a bate stamped twelve digit authentication code, guaranteeing your place in heaven beside Jesus and Obama. It’s perfect for hanging on any wall or can be used as emergency toilet paper.
My best Investment advice:
This is the time to invest in Obama dinner plates. Obama coins are just stupid. Word on the street: The Bradford Exchange has cornered the fake collectable dinnerware market. I like to imagine that the Bra
dford was wiped out along with the NYSE when a small earthquake hit. At once, thousands of collector plates fall off the wall forcing hundreds of plate millionaires into despair; three of them try to commit suicide by throwing themselves out of the windows of the Bradford Exchange. It isn’t until they land in the flower bed outside do they remember they are in a one floor building in the middle of Iowa.Right now, in your city, is a person with a complete fifty-state spoon collection that took four years to complete. I don’t make any judgments on these type of people - let’s call them Spooners. Okay, I’m lying. I make huge judgements about Spooners. Do they live amongst us? Are they teaching my children? Gaaawd! Say it isn’t so.
During Obama’s term of office we must face the growing Spooner threat. These people, and I use the term ‘people’ loosely, could be spending time with our kids. They could be telling your grandchildren about the new
Franklin Mint Presidential Thimble collection. Thimbles!!! Are you prepared to live the consequences of doing nothing? Some say that there is a strong Nurse/Spooner correlation. No one knows for sure, but these Spooners could be taking care of your father in that old age home you can’t remember the name of. It’s a terrifying thought.Collectable plates make me want to resurrect my failing harp seal pinata business or finally invest in a tortilla press with a sketch of Jesus etched into the metal. I’ll be printing out Jesus-on-a-tortilla as fast the Franklin Mint can produce those three eagle/two flag Obama plates. My new Jesus-in-a-tortilla will be in full color, have Obama, four eagles, three fully colored flags, Mt. Rushmore and on the backside it will feature a picture of General George Patton, Abraham Lincoln and Uncle Sam as they fall off the twin towers on 9/11. Each hand crafted tortilla will be saluted by a full bird colonel before shipping in this stylish plastic bag, and clearly stamped with love: “God Bless America and Jesus Loves You.” But wait, that’s not all. Along with each Jesus-on-a-tortilla will be an Indulgence forgiving you of all your sins. Each indulgence will be signed by an aging baseball hall-of-famer and countersigned by Jesus himself. For verification purposes, each indulgence shares a bate stamped twelve digit authentication code, guaranteeing your place in heaven beside Jesus and Obama. It’s perfect for hanging on any wall or can be used as emergency toilet paper.
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