The Bunny Hoax of 1726

Around 1726 Mary Toft began giving birth to bunnies. Lots of bunnies. At first she gave birth to a sliced up cat, gutted and filled with an eel. Shortly after she began giving birth to baby rabbits to the tune of one a day.

Mary Toft
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I’m not kidding. Little baby bunny rabbits would pop out of her vagina on a daily basis. A doctor was on hand to help her deliver her 15th bunny and wrote about it. From December 3, 1726, entitled: "A Short Narrative of an Extraordinary Delivery of Rabbets, Perform'd by Mr John Howard Surgeon at Guilford." By the end of the year the entire country was in an uproar. That’s what people in 1726 did back in England, they uproared.

After Ms. Toft had given birth to her 17th bunny, King George I had dispatched his surgeons to find the truth. When she stopped giving birth to baby rabbits they threatened to dissect her and she confessed to making the whole thing up.

And right now, 282 years later, those bunnies are running this government.

I like to believe that Mary Toft was just fine giving birth little baby bunny rabbits until those awful men from the government made her stop. Now, we’ll never know.

Big hoaxes work the best because they are big. We all want to believe the outrageous story. A few years back there was a rumor going round that the wife of our Texas Gov. caught him having intercourse with Texas’ Sec. of State. It was a great rumor because the implications were so very outrageous. And it could still be true.

It’s always the big hoax that captivates your mind and right now, as McCain seems to have a chance to win the Presidency, I’m shitting bunnies. Literally. They’re everywhere. I don’t think people quite understand how broke this country would be if we continued this war for another 4 years. His stance on continuing this war must be a hoax. Does he really think we have another 4 trillion dollars? If he wins the only thing we’ll have to eat is rabbit stew and I can’t eat Booger, Copper, Pepper and Master Sargent Chocolate Ears Murphy.

(Note to self: Invest in a tortilla press that burns image of Jesus.)