Money, Oil, Greed, Bribery, and 13 year old crack whores, The Bill Allen Story

Operation Party Hard



Saturday March 15th is the next protest day against Scientology. I’ll be there this time, but I need to find a good mask. I hear cowls are in this year so I’ll probably go as Batman. I invite all of my Super Friends into joining me. Once again I invite anyone from Anonymous to exchange e-mails with me about the history of Anonymous or any other interesting facts. I’d love to write an article on your heroics.

On another note:

Now that Omar is dead, I can’t stop thinking about my new hero. I know I’ve written about him before but I can’t get enough of Bill Allen. For those of you who don’t read Basket of Puppies on a regular basis VECO’s former CEO, Bill Allen is the new Hunter S. Thompson. For years he had the arrogance to bribe his way around the U.S. Senate and the Alaskan Legislature. He’s already been indicted, pled guilty, but still has some more trials to face.

I’m a little slow on this update. Suzi-Q brought the news to my attention:
Allen teen sex inquiry reopened - from Feb. 3rd. Apparently this story is just beginning.

I love this story. I’m calling dibs on writing the screenplay “Money, Oil, Greed, Bribery, and 13 year old crack whores, The Bill Allen Story.”

In his world, their love is considered taboo. In her world, there were no taboos. Two people come together in a freaky weird night of passion, crack and quarterly reports. Can true love work between a 60 year old alcoholic oil executive and a 13 year old crack whore? Wilford Brimley as CEO of VECO oil, Bill Allen. Suzanne Summers as the thirteen year old crack whore Bambi Tyree. Together, they’ll teach you how to love again.

When will I find my Bambi Tyree? I know, I’m a romantic. Maybe if I put an ad on Craig’s list.
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Stephen Colbert played this Arnold Schwarzenegger Japanese Commercial on his show last night. I can’t help but wonder if LSD is the new national Japanese pass time.



I don’t know what’s in that little bottle, but these guys are tippin balls and I’m not sure it’s the good kind of trip. It gives off that weird yellow submarine vibe. And what gives with the maniacal laughter?
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Again with Rev. Gary Aldridge. . .

I received a weird anonymous e-mail. They wanted to know why I thought the story of Rev. Gary Aldridge was so funny. For those of you who don’t read my blog, Rev. Gary Aldridge was a well liked pastor of the Montgomery's Thorington Road Baptist Church in Alabama. Republican conservative hypocrisy isn’t always essential in bringing the funny, but my shadenfreud guru hasn’t been this happy since Swaggart got caught with a whore.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1008072scuba1.html

But let me be specific. It’s not funny when a proper, well dignified, upstanding pillar of the Christian community, and pastor of a major ultra-conservative Baptist church goes home after a hard day of Churchin’, sits down, watches some T.V. and then goes about inserting a dildo into his rectum before putting on a rubber suit. Okay, that is kind of funny. Mainly because of all the hard work involved in covering your entire body in rubber with a dildo up your ass. It must of taken him twenty minutes. (I don’t think I have the energy for a fetish.)

Real funny comes from shock and awe as the mega- church learns the truth. For most of the congregation I’m sure it had to be explained. “What is autoerotic asphyxiation daddy?”

You know they didn’t explain his death at Sunday mass. They couldn’t post it on the community bulletin board. They probably came out and said, “sorry, he’s dead. No reason. He just died.” How could they say anything else? You can’t just lay ‘dildo, rubber suit and autoerotic asphyxiation’ on a delicate congregation and then follow with Amazing Grace. (I would of paid to seen that.)

News must of spread like a Vegas bride. It fills me with shadenfreud glee thinking about the myriad of right-wing Alabama grandmothers that were given an advance study course in fetish and fetish safety. Do you have a safety word grandma?

What would Jesus say? “Blessed are the ruber-ee. For they shall bounce highest.”